Ya know those days where seemingly everything that can go wrong does and, by evening (or mid afternoon), you're really just wishing for a do-over?.. I honestly believe every single Mama out there has days like that every now and then. Whether they're comfortable admitting it or not. For me, today was one of those days.
...
We did great this morning. I went through all of the boys dressers/closets/stored clothes and pulled out all of the stuff they'd grown out of and switched them around so they can actually wear the things in their drawers now and, I feel like I was pretty productive! I started washing laundry and got the kitchen cleaned up and JD started on his schoolwork all before lunch. While, in the meantime, B & L kept Tyler entertained so I could get it all done. It went pretty smoothly actually.
Then came lunch and it seemed like everything just shifted. They boys were irritable. Blake was complaining of a tummy ache, Lucas was fighting schoolwork, Tyler just couldn't tell me he needed to potty in time and I was steadily losing my patience.
I just hate that feeling. The feeling of failing my family. Of getting caught up in the things that could honestly probably wait a while before it was just detrimental that it get done. I mentioned a bit in my last post that I don't want to waste my time and energy on the small things. Not things, like the little, everyday things. I mean, the things that really just exist to distract us. And I kind of felt torn in that way today...
So, what will I do better tomorrow? I'll stop and listen a little more and jump the gun a little less. I'll hug and smile and dance around the living room with Christmas decorations piled everywhere because, let's face it, there's about a 99.99999% chance we'll be pulling everything out starting tomorrow. I'll look into their little, round, squishy faces and soak them up. Every detail of how they look because, I know from experience that, they'll never be exactly the way they are right now ever again. Tomorrow they'll wake up another day older and a little more independent. They might ask to get their own breakfast or have their hair combed before I even think of asking. They may brush their teeth without being reminded and decide on their own what they'd like to do instead of hinging every single moment on the words that I say. . . It could happen.
This time, this precious time, with my boys is so fleeting. And it tears at my heart that I sometimes forget that. Please, Lord, help me to do better about enjoying them in the here and now. Help me to look past the little quirks and habits that make me want to correct and polish them. There's a time for that, absolutely. But, I don't want that to be all that my boys remember about their childhood.
I want them to remember the happy sounds and cozy atmosphere of our home. The anxiousness of looking out the window waiting for Daddy to get home from work so they could make a surprise attack with their dart guns. Running down the hall to escape when he "threatens" to tickle them til they pee themselves or give them each a swirly... LOL
These boys have just made. my. life. I am so overjoyed to be their Mama and I pray that I have
M A N Y more years to soak them up. Thank you, Lord, for this sweet gift you've given their Daddy and I. Though we probably fail more often than we succeed, we could not love them more if we tried.
