Like so many, I have felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude this Thanksgiving. I have so much and there are some that have so little. It's easy for me to make a list of all that I'm thankful for because I see it in my life everyday. I'm surrounded by the blessings of the Lord and I know I have so much more than I need or deserve.
For some, it's a bit more difficult to join in on the thankful train. I know where they are because, I've been there. I've walked in their shoes, literally. Growing up, my family didn't have a lot. Not by the world's standards. When you're not grounded in the love of God, that's what you measure yourself by as well. We didn't have a huge house or all the newest name-brand clothing. Sometimes, the pantry was pretty bare. But, we knew we were loved. By our family and the ones close enough to be considered it. In that way, we had so much.
I remember every year on Christmas Eve, my sisters and I would climb into one of our beds (it had to be next to a window) with a flashlight and a wristwatch and we'd vow, every year, that we were going to stay awake to see Santa arriving at our house. . . We'd just pile in and watch, so intently that our eyes would begin to get sore from staring into the darkness. We loved Christmas. Not because we expected to see the tree bursting with gifts in the morning. In a way, we were hopeful. But, mostly, we were just so enamored with the magic of the season and all that Santa stood for that we completely engulfed ourselves in it.
I remember our parents would always pull strings to get us one big thing to share (one year it was a gently used electric organ. We loved that thing!) and a couple of things of our own to open. Then, my very talented Mom would sew us something she knew we would love. Some years it was a beautiful stuffed animal or doll with yarn hair and a dress that matched mine. . . Thinking of it really stirs up all those feelings of what I felt opening those gifts as a young girl. The time and love and hard work that were put into each one of them was truly seen by my sisters and I. And we were thankful. Not because our parents told us to be. But, because they showed us how to live happily with the things we had even if we wanted more. That's such a hard lesson to learn though. There may not be a million things I loved about my childhood, but the things that made the biggest impact on my heart were those that were rooted in love and as far as possible away from the standards of the world. My parents mean so much to me and, now that I'm a mom, I can see the meaning behind it all so much more clearly.
I pray that I am living the example of love and gratefulness and humility and grace that my children need to see everyday. There aren't days where that is difficult and, I fail so often. But the main thing, from what I'm learning, is to keep trying. To keep getting back up, even when we knock ourselves down, and remember everything we have to be happy about. Even if we have to literally write them all down, sometimes that's what needs to happen to help us realize that this life is about so much more than just the material things. While I am incredibly thankful for the "things" the Lord has given me to enjoy, they are not what I center my happiness, my gratitude and my joy around.
I don't want to down on anyone's parade this holiday season and I promise I'm not trying to yell at you all from the top of my ever-growing soap box. I'm journaling here this evening for me more than anything. For the days coming that I'm feeling really down on myself and just want to throw a big pity party. For the days when I'm so caught up in comparing my life to that mom's on the internet and I just want so much more. For the days when I'm just really struggling to find my joy.
It's in these people pictured. The meaning and the purpose that they give me. It's in the love of my heavenly Father and the family and friends He has filled my life with while I'm here on Earth. It's in the air in my lungs and the sight in my eyes and the health of my body. It's e v e r y w h e r e. And I don't need a new dress or purse or couch or dining room table to help me to see it.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your loved ones. Even when it's hard, try your best to count your blessings, not your sorrows. I promise, you'll be much happier. :)
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