Do you ever wake up and wonder, "how did I get here?" That's me. Practically every day. I think back to when I was in high school and the way I spent my time and the people I invested in or turned my shoulder to. And, I think, how did I get even remotely close to this dream that I'm living...
I LOVE my life. My husband is my best friend. He's hard working and supportive and encouraging. He knows when I need some good conversation or just a little quiet time. He tries his best to fill our days with silliness and laughter (even when I try MY best not to let him) and he's so quick to forgive my inadequacies. However big or small they are. He's given me freedom to grow these past (almost) ten years without fear of who I would become or how that would affect him. He's amazing.
I have four of the sweetest, most loving and special boys around. They sometimes suffocate me with their full-body snuggles and deep-neck squeezes. They've coerced me into saying things I never imagined myself uttering. They've pushed and stretched me so far beyond the girl I was when this all began. And I love it. Them. They continue to show me, every day, how sweet this life can be and I have learned so much from them. The way they forgive so freely and love so deeply and literally pounce on life just astounds me at times. I love being their mama.
I know I share a lot about my faith and the love I have for my heavenly Father (or maybe I just think that I do and, really I should share more?) but, the truth is, without Him I would be nothing. I was on a path of self-destruction before I became saved and began committing my life to the Lord. It's a battle, one that is fought daily. But, ya know, I have a peace that it's all going to work out. I see evidence of Him in my life and in the lives of those around me and it. is. jaw. dropping. He loves me even when I don't have the courage to love myself. And that's a pretty big feat to overcome sometimes, am I right mamas? Or maybe I'm the only one. The only one who picks apart her appearance every time she leaves the house and questions every single thing she eats some days. The girl who can't even wash her face at night without getting as close as possible to the mirror to look at her skin just to make sure there aren't any blemishes. But, of course there are.
I'm the one who critiques myself past the point of being healthy sometimes. And I hate that. I pray that the Lord would help me to give myself a little of that grace that I'm trying so desperately to sprinkle on those around me. If we can't love ourselves, it's going to be pretty difficult to love others guys. I think maybe we should just tackle this mountain and get over it.
By the world's standards, I may lead a pretty simple life. Living in small town, rural America as a home maker to my husband and four sons. Cleaning house and cooking meals and teaching lessons. Folding ten plus loads of laundry a week and still not having everything we own clean at one time. It all may seem like so little.
But, then there's women out there that don't get the chance to wash and fold tiny onsies or tuck their toddler into bed at night. They don't get to prepare meals for their little ones or wash their sticky hands and faces. They don't get to breathe in those heavenly hugs after a warm bath when their baby wraps his little, squishy arms tightly around their neck.
I. Am. So. Blessed.
Let me tell you, I don't want to ever take my time with my children and husband and family for granted. They are truly blessings from the Lord and the fact that I don't deserve them makes me love them even more. Is it possible to love someone more than life itself? I think so. I'm so thankful my God brought me out of the hole I was digging for myself and into the light. Into THIS life.
I have four of the sweetest, most loving and special boys around. They sometimes suffocate me with their full-body snuggles and deep-neck squeezes. They've coerced me into saying things I never imagined myself uttering. They've pushed and stretched me so far beyond the girl I was when this all began. And I love it. Them. They continue to show me, every day, how sweet this life can be and I have learned so much from them. The way they forgive so freely and love so deeply and literally pounce on life just astounds me at times. I love being their mama.
I know I share a lot about my faith and the love I have for my heavenly Father (or maybe I just think that I do and, really I should share more?) but, the truth is, without Him I would be nothing. I was on a path of self-destruction before I became saved and began committing my life to the Lord. It's a battle, one that is fought daily. But, ya know, I have a peace that it's all going to work out. I see evidence of Him in my life and in the lives of those around me and it. is. jaw. dropping. He loves me even when I don't have the courage to love myself. And that's a pretty big feat to overcome sometimes, am I right mamas? Or maybe I'm the only one. The only one who picks apart her appearance every time she leaves the house and questions every single thing she eats some days. The girl who can't even wash her face at night without getting as close as possible to the mirror to look at her skin just to make sure there aren't any blemishes. But, of course there are.
I'm the one who critiques myself past the point of being healthy sometimes. And I hate that. I pray that the Lord would help me to give myself a little of that grace that I'm trying so desperately to sprinkle on those around me. If we can't love ourselves, it's going to be pretty difficult to love others guys. I think maybe we should just tackle this mountain and get over it.
By the world's standards, I may lead a pretty simple life. Living in small town, rural America as a home maker to my husband and four sons. Cleaning house and cooking meals and teaching lessons. Folding ten plus loads of laundry a week and still not having everything we own clean at one time. It all may seem like so little.
But, then there's women out there that don't get the chance to wash and fold tiny onsies or tuck their toddler into bed at night. They don't get to prepare meals for their little ones or wash their sticky hands and faces. They don't get to breathe in those heavenly hugs after a warm bath when their baby wraps his little, squishy arms tightly around their neck.
I. Am. So. Blessed.
Let me tell you, I don't want to ever take my time with my children and husband and family for granted. They are truly blessings from the Lord and the fact that I don't deserve them makes me love them even more. Is it possible to love someone more than life itself? I think so. I'm so thankful my God brought me out of the hole I was digging for myself and into the light. Into THIS life.
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